Yikes!

I'm panicking. I can count the days of school left on my fingers. This kind of simple math used to be the cause of such rejoicing but now all I can think of is, "get the book done!"

When summer rolls around its time to be mommy first and writer second. I'm seriously considering my mother's advice from earlier today. I was going on about how I have to get this book done before school is out and she looked at me blankly and said. "Here's your ending. There was an explosion. The end."

Okay, maybe you had to be there, but it was funny.

I'm working on the next Ghost Unit book. The first draft is a little over half done and if I can get it to three quarters done I'll be freaking happy. First draft is a bare-bones story but it's much easier to add texture to the story in small bites of time than it is to get the first draft done. A manuscript has to go through at least three or four versions before I let anyone read it. Then it takes at least two versions with the critique partner before I feel it can see the light of day. Hence the panic.

Family obligations always cut into writing time as well. This time it's a sad one, another funeral to attend.

I'm also sad to say that I won't be able to attend the Lori Foster event this year. I've been lucky to go the last two years and can't tell you how much fun it is. If there is one event that only death keeps you from, this is it.

Oh well, enough of the moping around. Back to writing.

Amazing things I learned today

A site that I enjoy, but primarily visit for research, took an unofficial poll today that had my attention. This board is made up of military or retired military men and women. It started as a Special Operations board but has branched out to almost every type of service. I only mention this because there are a great number of Special Ops guys. These men are fearless in every way.

It was a SEAL who started the thread with this.
” Inspired by the thread in the Aussie forum, Here is the discussion you have waiting for: wearing no underwear.

Team guys don't wear underwear. I don't own any.

How about the rest of you?”

Three pages of response later I have to say I will enjoy looking at men in uniform in a whole different way. Ladies, there is a 95% chance the man in fatigues/Dress Uni., except Whites, is Commando in every way.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SUPPORT THE TROOPS! Nothing else is. Dayammmmmn, I love being a visual person.

Fun weekend

BBQ, a little sun, an excellent NASCAR race, planting my herb garden, rereading a four book series of a favorite author, Memorial Day Ceremony at the town square.

That’s what I did. Loved it! What did you do? Make something up if ya have to. LOL

Workin' at being wild

Sometimes it's just funny to live on the edge of nowhere. This morning I took my first cup of coffee onto the patio.

There were five wild turkeys at the back of the field. One cock and four hens. It's spring and Mr. Turkey was doing his best to get a little procreation action. Somehow watching them I attached dialog to their actions. Mr. Turkey came out as a combination of Elvis Presley and Tony from Friends.

The four hens were all busy picking up food. Mr. Turkey would not be put off by their attention to survival. He fluffed his feathers, stood up his tail and strutted towards a hen. This is what I heard.

"Hey baby." Mr. Turkey opens smoothly in his best Elvis Presley.

The hen calmly keeps pecking the ground and subtly turns away from him. This did not discourage Mr. Turkey because you know, he has that tail thing going.

"How you donin?" he continues as he turns in a neat circle to be sure she has a clear view of all his magnificent feathers. Never mind that her back is turned to him.

Hen raises her head and glances over her shoulder. "Idiot. You look like a turkey dinner to the people in that house. Put your feathers down. We've all seen it before."

Mr. Turkey did not get lucky this morning as far as I could tell. It's tough to be wild, and a turkey.

Warn the herd, its the kind thing to do.

We all have those days. The day in which, NOT using the blunt object on idiot skull is a choice that must be made, over and over again.

It is a shame we can’t warn the unsuspecting “happy people” of the world that today the SheCarnavor is looking to leave scars. In the animal kingdom flashing canines does it, a low growl, ears flicked back sends the herd scrambling out of a shebeast’s way.

Civilization, political correctness, appropriate behavior – these straight-jackets our society requires handicap the people who cling to them most. They become even more obviously clueless when a fully armed she-predator is having a bad day.

Yesterday was that day for me. I'm proud to report that no idiot blood was spilt, at least none that will be found. I watch CSI ya know.

What was I thinking??

Writing can be a tricky business. To write believable characters the author draws on real life experiences with a variety of people. Most of the people in my books are a combination of many people I have known or observed. Only once have I let a character be entirely one person I know in real life. I asked permission and let the preson preread everything.

The problem arises when people I soooooooo did not think of when writing the book think I used them for a character. Insist on it. Are emphatic about it and spend long periods of time trying to get me to see that I was writing about them and I must admit it.

Without fail this is a person I can’t tell the truth too. I can deny and deflect, but I can’t actually say, “I hate heroines who are too stupid to live. Therefore I can never use you as pattern!” Or in a male’s case. “Heroes are strong men, alpha personalities. I don’t know how to write an omega hero. You have nothing to worry about. You will never show up as a lead in my books.”

The only good thing about these people is they make great secondary, idiot characters. I have yet to pattern a villain after one of these irritating individuals. The reason for that is a hero does not kill a person just because they are irritating. However, I’m beginning to rethink that.

A hero could have done it in his past, right? Just shot someone to shut them up? No? Oh, well. I guess I’ll need another villain to do it.

Writing is wonderful outlet. All that frustration can be thrown under the buss in the next manuscript. LOL

Monday maddness

The best part of Monday is …um…oh yeah, the week hasn’t been wasted yet. I get to be all optimistic about what I’m going to get done in the next five days. I’m even hopeful about hearing back on a submitted manuscript.

Here’s to Monday. Hope springs eternal on Mondays.

These two make me laugh

From an unnamed manuscript. Hows this for an opening? LOL


"Seeking: Dark Hero, dragonslayer, warrior, paranormal experience a plus. Politically incorrect attitudes required. Prince Charming need not apply. Shiny armor and clean white horse indicate lack of experience, refer to Prince Charming’s directive. Serious applications only, high reward for high risk. Contact Damsels in Distress, P.O. Box 42, Centerville, Ohio. Please include most recent conquered foe in resume." Jules read aloud.

"I don't think you should have listed dragonslayer. If there are dragons they've got to be an endangered species, you know?" Jules commented as she surveyed Meredith's add in the Columbus Tribune.

"Like it matters," Meredith said bitterly. "It's a joke. Seemed like a good idea at 3 a.m. Newspapers shouldn't let people pay online after a certain hour at night. Hitting the send button is too easy."

"Well, advertising for a hero in the Columbus Tribune is a little pointless. Maybe if you'd sent it to the Stars & Stripes or perhaps a New York paper it might've made more sense." Jules closed the newspaper and set it beside her coffee cup.

Both women were silent a few minutes. Sitting at a patio table outside the Old Lace Coffee Shop, they presented an unusual picture. It went far beyond simply being a blonde and a brunette. Meredith, with her pale blonde hair pulled back in a firmly controlled bun, pristine white blouse buttoned all the way up her long neck and midcalf length skirt sat across from Jules. Brunette Jules with her spiky hair, leather vest and threadbare jeans stuffed into biker boots.

"It was a gesture. You know me, I'd like to believe those kind of man really exist but I'm not an actual idiot. Even if I was at one time, life experience has straightened me out. The hero never shows up in the nick of time, there is no Calvary coming over the hill and if a woman wants saving she had better damn well do it herself."

Grrrrrrr...

In the interest of honesty, I’m in a crappy mood. Read on at your own risk.

American Idol just lost me. I don’t care which David wins. I enjoyed the season up to the final four and now I have no interest watching it. I suppose I’m just too old to get interested in a seventeen year old id…ah kid. The other David is okay, but not remarkable enough to watch. Shrug.

Have I mentioned I’m not a Busch fan? There is no NASCAR race this weekend. The only good thing about that is there is no chance for the little twit Busch to piss me off.

Gas prices are insane. Government could freaking stimulate the entire country by cutting the gas taxes in half. Hummmm…how come no one has thought of that?

Speaking of stimulation, I’m all for the checks and junk, but does this mean we are all over paying taxes? I mean, if they can shell out this much money doesn’t that indicate that we are taking it in the hindquarters on regular years? Apparently. Just figured out that my check will not be mailed until the end of June. This did not improve my mood.

I am so tired of the Hilbilly, um, Hillery or Obama debate. Seriously people, do we want a woman who goes millions of dollars in debt and admits she has no actual plan to repay it? She is depending on …ah, lotto winnings?

I better quit. Take a nap. Each chocolate. Something.

Fear the silence

I am a very poor example of how to wait to hear from agents and editors gracefully. Just saying, it’s hard for me to concentrate on anything while waiting. I'd actually rather get a quick and easy rejection than this echoing silence. But there is a character who draws me away from the worry.

I’m working on the next Unit book. Charlie is such a smooth player. He’s the type of man who makes me listen to slow Jazz drifting through sultry shadows. He is the rain on a tropic night, shrouding the world in welcome steam. He knows when to be hard and when to be smart, and never think for one moment that he’s not both. Quiet is the only warning one gets when he’s about to bring the storm.

Mothers Day greetings

"Making the decision to have a child -it's momentious. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

As a mother, I find the above absolutely true. There is not much more to be said besides, God bless the babies he has gifted us with.

Happy Mothers Day

Where is the Hero?

Reading romance comes with obvious heroes. Men who do the right thing, fight for the underdog and save the lady, all the while putting themselves in great peril. If you can’t identify the hero in fiction you’re not reading romance.

In real life it’s just as easy to find the hero. One simply has to know where to look for them.

For me, a hero is the person who does the right thing and sorta hopes no one notices. Soon as someone does the right thing for praise it becomes something else.

A hero is the person who doesn’t care what everyone else is doing, they live by internal standards. That means doing whatever they do right, even if everyone else is cutting corners. Deception is a combat tool, not a lifestyle.

Most of all, a hero is trustworthy. I have several heroes. People I know will be there for me even if I’m wrong. They will not support the wrong thing I’ve done, but they will support me in finding a way to correct it.

Be a hero.

Erotic Romance- not just for women

Okay, in romance, especially erotic romance, the book is supposed to appeal to woman. However, there are quite a number of men who’ve read my work, but very few of them contact me directly. They like to have the little woman tell me they enjoyed the work. The few who do write are strangely uniform in their response.

There seems to be a “man law” about responding to erotic romance. It’s not really porn and that is a slippery slope. Enjoying porn is good. Enjoying an emotionally complicated love scene must be handled with an alpha attitude and therefore avoid any appearance of non-manliness. Oh, and another thing, manliness means there is no such thing as TMI on how many times the equipment responded to the sex, because that was exactly how … well, you get the picture.

I have to thank everyone who has ever written me in response to reading one of my books. Especially the males who enjoyed it “completely”. My work is done. LOL

Sculpting words

The words can fall in random fashion. They jerk and stop, sometimes they spill all over the place and make a mess. Words can flow with the grace of pirouetting angels skating on silver ice. They can plunder the heart of a reader with ruthless disregard and sometimes they are painfully backwards with ugly bumps and fumbling meanings.

Words are nothing special and they are the wings of imagination. Everyone uses them, reads them, and writes them. They are common property to crude and elite.

What makes a writer? Does a writer craft them? Control them?

I think a writer sculpts them. For me, there are always too many. Beautiful writing is clean and fast. It moves with muscular grace that is irresistible.

Random thoughts at three eleven a.m. The cat and I are discussing rain, writing and the art of loving what one does.

Writers Contract with Readers

"Contract Between Writer and Reader is this: I, the Writer, agree to tell you, the Reader, a lie, hereinafter referred to as a story. You, the Reader, agree to suspend your disbelief in this falsehood until the end of the story, OR until I, the Writer, drop the cake."

The above comes from this talented writer's blog. Really great post.
http://rolanni.livejournal.com/334368.html

I love the simplicity. Add anything to this and it's just messing with everyone.

I'm a NASCAR fan

You know I never mention sports in this blog. That’s how mad I am. STILL!! I wanted to rant last night but forced myself to go to bed hoping I’d be calmer this morning.

Kyle Busch needs a spanking.

The child is riding a rocket with an eleven-year-old boy’s mentality. At three laps to go he wrecked the car he couldn’t pass, displaying a temper tantrum behind the wheel. If he couldn’t win, that other boy wasn’t gonna.

I could almost get over it if Baby Boy Busch had not already paraded his ugly, little boy mentality many times.

In a sport dominated by big boys playing with fast toys, he takes the Gummy Worm Prize. It’s earned by the Y chromosome trying to make something of its “gummy worm” by being a dangerous fool on the track and an embarrassing idiot off it.

So here it is. GUMMY WORM PRIZE WINNER ~~ Kyle Busch

In the immortal words of the Eagles, "I just wanna grab your inner child and spank its little ass."

BTW Runner up is Michael Waltrip. Gunning the car into the wrecked car almost got you this week's Gummy. But not quite.

Voice Recognition is my friend, Vista is not

I was excited to discover Voice Recognition software on Vista for Windows. Using the bundled software I had to correct words in every sentence. But since that was all I had , I thought it was great.

However, my wonderful DH knew there was something better out there. He insisted we invest in the premier voice recognition software. It came Friday. So excited, just like a kid at Christmas.

I loaded it onto my new laptop. My lovely new, Vista run laptop could not get through the first paragraph of tutorial. Hours later, much frustration and disappointment, I concluded I just didn't have an expensive enough computer.

Again DH to the rescue. He suggested I get out the old laptop and loaded in, just to see if it would work. Amazing success! Older, and apparently wiser, the Vista lacking laptop is working like a dream.

I can hardly wait to see how fast I finish Blind Fire. Currently I have two completed manuscripts waiting for contracts. That has never happened to me before. I usually don't write fast enough to have a manuscript finished before the last one is contracted.

I have another problem with the Vista computer that I can't seem to find an answer for. The icon for the mouse disappears from the screen for no particular reason. Sometimes it won't work all day. Sometimes the first time the computer goes to screensaver a mouse was gone and I have to restart the entire system to get it back. Has anyone seen this before?

Another Vista problem, the automatic backup partition. It's full because it's only 6 GB. I cannot find how to overcome this problem. I've backed up the computer on an external hard drive and that seems to make it work a bit better but still, the internal backup is full and it has a difficult time saving. Anyone ever dealt with this problem before?

I have joined the long list of people who find Vista more trouble than it's worth. All that is new and improved is the innovative new ways they have found to make me crazy.

So here I am with Old Faithful, happy as a clam. The lovely Vista computer is sitting on the shelf. Apparently that's its best thing.

WICKED BEAST first chapter

I posted the first chapter of WICKED BEAST on my website. Just press were it says Excerpt and you can read it. It hasn't been edited yet, read at your own risk.

http://www.gailfaulkner.com

I'd love to hear what ya think of the dragon and his ladies.

Why do they say that????

A Fiction Novel: What? Can we possibly confuse it with the True life Novel?

Viagra: So you can be ready when she’s ready. As opposed to when I’m not ready? Is there a pill for that? If there is, I wanna buy stock in it. That stuff will sell.

Quality Control: Gotta control that shit or it gets away from you?? Watch out, Quality is running lose!!

Value Added: WHERE? Is there money inside????

Professional Mom: Are mothers with only one child amateurs? Shouldn’t there be a signing bonus for turning pro????

Buy One Get Second Free: Second? Is it a damaged thing so it’s seconds? Of course that crap is free.

Free Gift Card with the purchase of… That isn’t FREE! They just said I had to purchase some other junk I don’t want! If it were free they'd hand it to me at the door.

Crime Drama: Because there is boring crime that no one gets excited about? That’s not a crime, it’s a job.

Stock up and Save: Buy twice as much as you need to save half as much as its worth. Bla!

Real Time Graphics: As opposed to the fake time graphics?

New and Improved: Does anyone do New and Worse??

Let me be honest with you… So everything you said before was a lie??

Got any good ones that make no sense?