I've been "polishing" a manuscript and have gotten to the point where just looking at drives me to apply head to wall with force. I suppose every writer gets there. Wanna see? Here is the opening I'm struggling with. This is the revised one. If anyone reads this, would you mind telling me if it's interesting? Average? Even if it's less than average.
Warning - Unedited manuscript ahead. Read at your own risk.
Was it possible for more innocent ass to be offered in any cruder fashion? If the family’s at tonight’s state dinner had been allowed, he’d bet the daughters would have been stripped for inspection. The last “lady” and her pedigreed daughter had been grimly amusing.
REST OF POST DELETE BECAUSE AUTHOR REALIZED HOW BADLY IT NEEDED EDITING AND SHE'S EMBARRASSED.