Wednesday, July 25, 2007

One of those Days

I've been "polishing" a manuscript and have gotten to the point where just looking at drives me to apply head to wall with force. I suppose every writer gets there. Wanna see? Here is the opening I'm struggling with. This is the revised one. If anyone reads this, would you mind telling me if it's interesting? Average? Even if it's less than average.

Warning - Unedited manuscript ahead. Read at your own risk.

Was it possible for more innocent ass to be offered in any cruder fashion? If the family’s at tonight’s state dinner had been allowed, he’d bet the daughters would have been stripped for inspection. The last “lady” and her pedigreed daughter had been grimly amusing.

REST OF POST DELETE BECAUSE AUTHOR REALIZED HOW BADLY IT NEEDED EDITING AND SHE'S EMBARRASSED.

5 comments:

Kelly said...

You have me interested, definitely interested and wanting more. I NEED to know more about Alex! So quit bangin' your head against the wall. By the way, I could tell you more if you sent me all of it....

Gail said...

Kelly, you're right. That is exactly what me critique partner told me. Put more Alx in. sigh...

zinreads said...

*lol* Now, Gail --how are we supposed to help you if you don't leave it up for us to read?


Ann

Anonymous said...

It's always fun to check your blog and see what you are working on... I love reading snippets of your works in progress and can't wait to read more.... Keep'em coming!
Thanks-
Janet

Jennifer K. said...

You didn't give me enough. You should let me have it all to really give you a fair assessment.

Actually, I would if you want. I'm pretty good at the slash and burn. I do get a lot of resigned sighs when I return stories to reporters at work though. I can't imagine why. All that red looks pretty. ;)