I can't thank you guys enough for your comments on my first attempt. Here is the revised query. Feedback on what you think is welcome. Is it gripping? To much? Not enough?
Feb 27 _ Thank you again. Post taken down for professional reasons.
I like the revised version. It's short, but manages to give a fairly complete description of the story -- in my so-not-a-professional editor-or-agent opinion. *lol*
But speaking as someone who wrote countless papers throughout school, the only item I can offer as an opportunity for improvement is where it says "Gentle telepath and the Warrior King.." it either needs a second "the" (before gentle telepath) or lose "the" before Warrior King -- personally, I would vote for deleting THE before Warrior King, but you should try it both ways and see which you prefer.
2 comments:
I like the revised version. It's short, but manages to give a fairly complete description of the story -- in my so-not-a-professional editor-or-agent opinion. *lol*
But speaking as someone who wrote countless papers throughout school, the only item I can offer as an opportunity for improvement is where it says "Gentle telepath and the Warrior King.." it either needs a second "the" (before gentle telepath) or lose "the" before Warrior King -- personally, I would vote for deleting THE before Warrior King, but you should try it both ways and see which you prefer.
Ann
OOPS! Sorry -- it's late and I haven't eaten dinner. *lol* Gifted, Gentle -- They both start with G right?
Ann
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